Optimize your dating strategy with CRM

As a relationship coach, I strive to help my clients learn how to meet new people and maintain trusting relationships with them.

When developing dating strategies with clients, I noticed that the number of social contacts, meetings, and dates in which they are involved is constantly growing. And starting at some point, there is too much information - it's hard to remember what you talked about with this guy a couple of weeks ago. To optimize the dating strategy and better control over the search and selection process, I suggest trying to use computer programs and the best CRM techniques. Of course, it takes time to set them up and learn how to use them, but in the end you will get serious advantages and you can avoid many mistakes.

To streamline your contacts with potential partners, you can act in the same way as a marketer, who maintains contacts with many corporate clients. You can use software, some applications, or just an Excel spreadsheet for this. The main thing is to choose what will be convenient for you personally.

What should be done?

Step One. Make a list of candidates. At this stage, we do not exclude anyone. In the list we add our mutual selections (matches) from Tinder or another online application / dating site, and in general all the candidates whom we recently met. Enter the name, contacts and all available information about the guy.


Think about why you want to date someone at all. Some girls say: “I want a romantic relationship” or “I need a travel companion”, etc. And after a few months they start asking the guy: is he in love? What does their relationship mean to him? what does he think of their common future? (I don’t remember a single girl who wouldn’t want to take the relationship to the next level in a few months.) And the guy is surprised: “Hey, we agreed from the very beginning that it would be so and so.” Why did you suddenly change your mind? Do not want to be in a similar situation? Then from the very beginning, make it clear for yourself that you want a serious relationship.

Then make a list of all the qualities that are important to you as a partner. First write down all the qualities, and then select 10 of them, without which you can’t live - these will be your “filters” for selection at the last stage.


Step Two Create a date plan:

    • Preparatory stage. If you meet a guy (online or “in real life”), you don’t need to exchange letters with him for a long time, make Skype calls, send SMS messages. Use gadgets and programs only for the exchange of initial information and do not tell too much (discussion of ordinary everyday affairs, etc.) - all these questions he will ask you at a meeting. And yes, he should invite you on a date - in a maximum of a week (if you or he are traveling, maybe in 2 weeks). Anyone who does not offer to meet in two weeks, just remove from the list - a complete stop, exceptions are not allowed!
    • First date. It is best to meet for a maximum of a couple of hours - drink coffee, go for a walk with the dog or do a jog in the park. Meeting over coffee at lunchtime, after work, or on a Sunday morning is also a great idea, but not a four-hour dinner (leave this for later). If you didn’t like the guy, you don’t need to stay until the end - it will take a lot of time and negatively affect your motivation. Remember: you need to meet a lot of guys! And at the same time, you have more important things to do than running around the cafes in the evenings, so try to build meetings in your life.
    • Second date. Now you can accept the invitation to dinner (but do not go after that to go to a bar). An alternative would be to visit an art gallery, present a book, or play a sport together (for example, cycling around a lake). And, yes, the date should not be too long! I anticipate objections: “This is all good, but I don’t have time to meet all these guys!” Seriously?! Where will you find time to meet with your boyfriend when he appears? There are few options: either you are optimizing your schedule, or you are doing something together - both can be started right now!
    • Third date. Now you can spend more time together, for example: drinks + dinner, music festival, cinema + ice cream. Do not forget that your main task is to get to know the guy. And do not tell the story of your life in detail! ☺ Therefore, ask questions and listen! If you do not chat, he will tell you everything about himself, and about his life, and about the future. Yes, it's hard not to talk about yourself, but you need to: just close your mouth and listen to what he says!

Mistakes The most common mistake the girls made at the first stage is to expect that "today I will meet a guy who will be the only one with whom we will spend the next 50 years together." In fact, to find a partner and establish really close relations with him, it will take about the same time as to find a good job, according to my observations - from 6 to 18 months. In addition, after the first date, the girl often decides to stop dating with a new guy who thinks that you are already dating, you already have a “relationship”. No, stopping the dating process is too early. Personally, I would not have made definitive decisions after my first date — I would have met another 2-3 times, and then I would have drawn conclusions. What else is important at this point? Often I hear from the girls after the first date: “Oh, I don’t have any feelings for him!” or "He's not good enough!" or "He's too old / young!". Do not rush, give yourself time - feelings must “mature”! Most often, love does not arise “at first sight”, and if it does happen, it ends just as swiftly - in most cases, after only a few months! Another question tormented everyone: “What if a guy finds out that I am meeting with others?” Well, until you explicitly exclude him from potential boyfriends, it would be worthwhile to give him certain promises and (at least temporarily) stop meeting with others. But at the same time, you should not report all this to him: you have your own life and only you decide who to talk about. And one more thing: stop spreading everything about where, when and with whom you spend time on social networks. In this case, the less the better.

Step Three. Summarize the information collected. Add everything you learned about the guy to your CRM file / table. And then we carefully study: what meets the criteria - “filters”, and what is absolutely unacceptable. It's time to “clean” the list! Of course, there will be doubtful cases - the candidate is super in some ways, but something in him is insanely annoying, it’s better to put them in the folder “it’s not yet clear” or “not yet figured out”.

Step Four. Taking relationships to the next level. By this time, it is already clear whether there are potential leaders on the list, so you can think about the development of relations. Sometimes girls say that they can’t wait long - until the first sex, in order to understand whether they are compatible with a partner. But the importance of physiology is often exaggerated - those who have had long-term close relationships never put sex in the first place! And even if for the first time everything went “not very", this is not a sentence, believe me. Dissatisfaction is a solvable problem, by joint efforts you can achieve harmony in intimate relationships. In addition, it is not so important how long you waited for the first sex - it is important how you behave after it. And, probably, there is a reason for what our grandmothers said: wait as long as possible, as long as you can, because after sex a woman loses control. When this happens, you will continue to do the same as before, and nothing important will happen.

It's all!

Do not write, do not call, do not change your behavior - life goes on!