3 ways modern women feel empowered through dating

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01.06.2018 2507

We’ve all been there: thinking about that cute guy from last week, we’ve checked our phone more often than we’d like to admit while waiting for him to finally text back. We’ve held board meetings with our friends about whether or not we should reach out to him again, and if yes, how long we should wait before doing so. We’ve drafted so many messages, if we had saved them all, we could publish a really sappy, partially awkward book.

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But let’s be honest with each other: all of us would describe our feelings about the ‘waiting game’ somewhere on a scale ranging from ‘pretty uncomfortable’ to ‘plain awful’ - and that’s probably not even the only interaction that makes us feel this way during the early stages of dating. We analyze every text message we get from him, we overthink things, and we put pressure on ourselves. A lot.

So here’s a daring question: why do we still do this? Why do we let this drag us down and act as though we are victims of modern love? We could use this time of our life to learn more about ourselves, grow our inner leader and to feel like a queen! (All while getting closer and closer to our soulmate, of course!) If you’re ready to take complete responsibility, read on about what you can do today to feel empowered through dating:

    • Take the guy’s perspective

    Even though they’re not written down anywhere, everyone seems to know about the implicit rules of flirting and early dating: the woman is supposed to look over and smile, then the guy is supposed to walk over to her and come up with the first thing to say.

    She is supposed to appear uninterested at first and play hard to get: be cool, don’t smile too early or too much, don’t kiss him on the first date, don’t take him home till the third. She is supposed to wait a day before she texts back, so that she doesn’t appear needy.

    And what about the guy? He is supposed to conquer her: make the first move, overflow with confidence and self security, try again, even if she brushes him off. He’s supposed to ask her out, take her on dates, lead the way and make sure to hide all his insecurities behind his irresistibly attractive face.

    But what if he is shy? What if he feels insecure about approaching women? What if it shatters his core to make himself vulnerable and to be rejected again and again? What if he finds women who take charge sexy?

    Next time you catch yourself thinking that you should wait for him to come over and start talking, for him to text back or for him to kiss you first, take his perspective! Think about how exhausting it must be for men to be expected to make themselves vulnerable first, to act tough and as if a rejection didn’t hurt them.

    Question what you find attractive and unattractive! We’ve all been taught by the media, that we’re supposed to be attracted to the knight in shining armour, who always behaves like a slight asshole and boldly takes what he wants. But is the guy who covers his insecurities with aggressive pick-up lines really sexyer, than the one, who is in touch with his own emotions?

    • Make the first move

    This is only the natural consequence of taking the guy’s perspective: don’t wait for prince charming to come riding over, instead take charge of the situation, show off your own confidence and be the one who makes the first move!

    There is even a dating app, that was created just for this purpose! ‘Bumble’ works pretty much like tinder: you swipe through photos of potential dates until you match with someone. Except for on Bumble, only the woman can initiate the conversation. It’s as if you were at a bar, saw a cute guy, got his number and now it is your choice to text him - or not. No more waiting game, at least for the first sentence.

    • Don't define your self-worth through your relationships

    But what if love doesn’t work out? What if you’d rather stay single than be tied down to a guy who you’re not happy with?

    It doesn’t matter if you’re the CEO of a successful company, a single mom of an active child or the owner of a beautiful home, once you’ve crossed a certain age, society views your life as incomplete, if you’re not in a committed, long-term relationship. As women, we have been raised to define our self-worth through our relationships and you’re certainly not the first one who was made nervous by her parents’ equally piercing and awkward questions about your “lovelife”.

    This is important for everyone, but especially if you’re single, it’s crucial to change the notion that you’re only complete with a partner. Working on transforming this assumption that has been ingrained into you over so many years will take time. Here’s an exercise to help you in the process: every night before going to bed, write down three accomplishments that you’ve achieved that day. Of course you’re not landing a promotion (or something equally badass) every day, so your accomplishments are probably going to seem small, like “took care of my body by working out today” or “changed the broken light bulb today”. But after doing this for at least a couple of weeks, if you read back, you will recognize how capable and strong you are - just you.

    If you find yourself stuck in a crappy situation or would like more personalized support during your dating journey, feel free to reach out to me today!

    Truly yours,

    Anna

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